Jack Learmond-Criqui: The Soccer Star, Track Sprinter, and Accidental Tech Disaster

Jack Learmond-Criqui is a man of many talents and even more questionable decisions. On the field, he’s an absolute beast—whether it’s outrunning defenders in fútbol (soccer) or leaving everyone in the dust on the track. Speed is his superpower, and if there’s one thing Jack knows how to do, it’s win races and break ankles (metaphorically, of course).

However, technology is not his friend. In what will forever be remembered as one of the greatest tech failures of all time, Jack once submerged his computer CPU in water. Was he trying to “water-cool” it? Was he attempting to cleanse it of digital sins? We may never know. But what we do know is that the CPU did not survive.

When he’s not breaking physics on the track or breaking computers in his free time, Jack dabbles in video games. And by dabbles, we mean he is shockingly bad at Fortnite. If you ever need a confidence boost, just 1v1 Jack, and you’ll leave the game feeling like a pro. It’s an experience unlike any other.

Despite the tech mishaps and gaming disasters, Jack is one of the most entertaining people you’ll ever meet. Whether he’s sprinting past defenders, wiping out in a game, or unintentionally giving a computer a Viking funeral, life is never boring when Jack is around.